Self-improvement - There Is A Secret Equation That Can Guarantee SuccessFor most folks, the highway to individual change and self-improvement is a long and winding path filled with intricate barriers. Drug companies in particular have capitalized on and created immense fortunes based on the elusive search for the "Magic Pill" that will fix everything. As it turns out, there is a secret formula for success, and it begins in the human mind. One of the laws of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is that "there is a positive intention behind all behaviors." And based on that law, when it comes to getting rid of negative behaviors, there is a formula that we must always keep in mind. I'll let you in on the secret in a minute. But I have a riddle for you to solve first. Riddle: A preacher made his son drink lye, which burned out his voice box. What was the positive intent behind this behavior? If you are like most of the clients who have come into my office since 1978, you'll indignantly say something like: "There's no positive intention behind that behavior." But you would be completely wrong. To answer this riddle, you must disconnect the behavior from the positive intent of the deed. The preacher's son was cursing. And the minister believes that if his child curses, his soul will be condemned to Hell. So the answer is that the minister was burning out his child's vocal cords so that he couldn't curse. By doing so, he was saving his child's soul from being predestined to suffer in Hell. The secret formula for success works as follows: We must value the positive intention that motivates each behavior. If we have a compulsion to make use of a behavior that we do not appreciate, we can quickly get rid of the compulsion to use that behavior. What we need to do is to find another behavior to substitute in its place. To be successful, the new behavior must be as accessible and efficient at accomplishing the same secondary gain, but be more consciously acceptable. This is called a REFRAME. When clients come into my practice, one of the first things that I do is to take a careful case history. Let's pretend that they come to my office and ask me to help them lose weight. Experience tells us that the two main reasons that people eat too much food are: (1) to reduce stress; (2) because eating can be a behavior triggered by other behaviors that it has been associated with (a conditioned response). For example, if a person eats while they are talk on the phone, they will develop a conditioned response, and thereafter, every time they talk on the phone they will get an urge to eat. However, the above answer only takes into consideration the possible secondary gain received from the behavior of eating. What if they also have another behavior that is concerned in the equation? For example: What if being obease is also a behavior for this person? I can hear your mind grinding right now as you think, "Being obease isn't a behavior, what are you talking about?" Sorry but you could be absolutely incorrect. Here is a simple classic textbook example that will illustrate the fact that being obease can be a behavior. It can be a behavior because it can supply secondary gains. Example: A woman falls in love. Her partner leaves her, and breaks her heart. Her unconscious wants to protect her emotionally and keep her from having her heart broken again. So it motivates her to get obease to keep her out of relationships. Because if she isn't in a relationship she won't get her heart broken again. Everyone is totally different. And sometimes there are hidden elements at work that cause neurotic behaviors. These are elements that are different for each person. Here is another example: A woman comes into my practice complaining of an uncontrollable compulsion to overeat at mealtime. During the case history, the woman explains to me how she has never been able to please her father. During an age regression, we learned that one of her earliest memories was of eating dinner with her family. And her father was insisting in an authoritive voice that she eat everything on her plate, even though she was bursting at the seams. So she cleaned her plate because of fear, and her dad commended her for eating everything. It was one of the only times in her life that she could recall her father telling her that she had made him happy. Jump forward to the present. Her father has been deceased for many years, but the unconscious program he created is still working. She still has a powerful urge to clean her plate, even if she is feeling full, because by cleaning the plate, in her subconscious she is getting dad's approval, and eliminating her own fear! So if you find it difficult to make personal changes, keep in mind that there is a positive intent behind all behaviors. And the secret formula for successful change is to substitute a different behavior that will bring about the same secondary gain, but in a manner that is more consciously acceptable to you, as an individual. The most efficient way to get your unconscious to take the responsibility for making this kind of alteration for you is through an NLP 6-Step Reframe .
Alan B. Densky, CH is an NLP Practitioner. He began his practice of hypnosis & NLP in 1978. He offers an interactive NLP Six-Step Reframing CD on his Neuro-VISION Self Hypnosis site . Also available are his Free hypnosis article index, MP3 downloads, and NLP newsletters . Essays For Heightening Awareness Being in Balance by Dr. Wayne Dyer When Medical Treatment Failed He Turned to Herbs
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